revelations.

this painting is titled: i want[ed] to be OR ain't it funny

i realized today, as i contemplated the personal significance this particular painting holds for me, that time really is passing. each day is another day of my life that has passed, a day i will never get back, never have to do over again, how many opportunities we lost to say what i really wanted to say, to do what i really wanted to do?

stop doing things for others. stop doing things to see and be seen. start doing things for not other reason than because you want to do them. start living more before the eyes of God and less before the eyes of men.

time is so finite. yet, the mind is a powerful thing. within our mind we can live and exist in ways and times that in which we do not live or exist in real life. the ability to live in the present is the greatest gift God gave to us--for, as c.s. lewis so astutely articulated in "the screwtape letters," '[the present] is the only point that intersects with eternity.'

i feel, by nature, i am a person who lives in the future. recently, i have been fighting living in the past. and by living in the past i mean living in the present with the door to the past open and a right mind to step through it if i had the chance. i don't want that. that means i am divided against myself here in the present. and, as jesus tought, a house divided against itself cannot stand. so, i am fighting. and i am winning. i know because every day i feel like i get closer to not being able to go back.

a spores of a dandelion, once blown into the wind, cannot return to the stem of the flower, they must float til they land, take root, and start a new beginning.