Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
There are a few translations for a few of the words in verses 10 and 11 of Psalm 85...mercy and love seem to be the predominating choices in the newest translations. Many Spanish translations use Mercy, many English translations use Love, some use lovingkindness and in place of faithfulness use truth. Some use grace. To me they are all beautiful words but NT Wright cites it thus: "Grace and Truth are met together; justice and peace have kissed each other. Truth springs up from the ground; and justice looks down from heaven." And in the context of John chapter 1 verses 1-18...well, lets just say I might be buying a bottle of ginger wine sometime soon :D "Psalm 85 is a prayer for restoration, for forgiveness, for the mercy and grace of God to break through the long dark night of Israel’s exile and bring about that new life for which God’s people ached." - NT Wright
I want to ache for new life. I remember when I knew what it was to live every moment in expectation of Christ's coming. Might I return to that place. To speak of death as a blessing, a means of freedom from the chains of this life...to seek forgiveness and restoration with all your soul and every inch of fiber in your being. To pray for mercy and grace. To desire the end to this long, dark night...
Lord Jesus, come yourself, and dwell with us, be
human as we are, and overcome what overwhelms us.
Come into the midst of my evil, come close to my
unfaithfulness. Share my sin, which I hate and which I
cannot leave. Be my brother, Thou Holy God. Be my
brother in the kingdom of evil and suffering and death.
Come with me in my death, come with me in my suffering,
come with me as I struggle with evil. And make me
holy and pure, despite my sin and death.
- Bonhoeffer
What must it have been like for Mary and Joseph? Everything was planned as best as they could plan it. Midwife arranged, the whole scandal thing managed as best as it could be, all the plans and preparations you make for having a baby were taken care of...I can't even think of the emotions running through this young couple as they faced such an impossible task: giving birth to God's son, the savior of the world. How must they have felt when they heard they must leave their home and travel to Bethlehem? How upsetting must that have been? They were waiting for a baby! They didn't have time to travel! What if something went wrong? What if Mary were hurt or if the baby came along the way, before they reached the safety of the town? My mind reels with questions and I myself am indescribably far from being able to understand their position. I have seen the fear of mothers and fathers to be. Will we be good parents? Will everything turn out okay? What do you ask of God when it is God himself who has placed the child within you? I suppose you trust, and you wait, and you patiently seek understanding. Mary and Joseph...the perfect example of Advent...
The walk to the candle was long. And silent. And unsure. I knew I needed to light my candle. And I knew where I needed to go to light it. Were we supposed to go alone? Was there someone to lead? Was it supposed to happen during the song? Where were the leaders? I wanted the light. I wanted to light my candle. I was ready. Trust that it will be okay. Trust. Believe. My hands were shaking. "This is the light of Christ." I was not worthy. I was so blessed. It felt so good. So thorough, so complete and intense. Like the moment you hear the birthed baby cry, when all the waiting is over, when the baby is finally there all is put aside after the birth, and you sit, and marveled at the small life now lying before you. As I am sure Mary and Joseph did. No more questions. Just thanksgiving for the child now lying in their arms. Today I seek nothing but the same. I have waited, sought, grown, trembled, questioned, and made my long, quiet journey to receive the light of Christ. Today I sit and marvel.
What sacrifice is good enough? What gift is homage enough to the gift I have been given? [Isaiah 1:10-17]. Frankincense and myrrh? I have none. The image of the verses before is of an obstinate animal. The Lord says the ox knows his master and the donkey his owner’s manger but Israel does not know and God’s people do not understand…The beauty of Christianity is that it is NOT a set of rules and required offerings. It is a relationship. And a relationship is not governed by rules but by love, patience, kindness, understanding, communication, seeking, receiving, and being. Simply being. Quality time. And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved. Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21, Romans 10:13. Hosea tells us that God’s people are destroyed from lack of knowledge! This is not knowledge of book smarts and SAT scores, no! This is knowledge of the character of God! Why a baby? Why these two young people? Why a manger? Why Bethlehem? Why for me? Is my hope built on more than Jesus’s blood and righteousness? Is all other ground sinking sand? Or do I bow down to the works of my own hands? [Isaiah 2:8]
I felt the nervousness of preparation as I entered the church last night. It was a feeling similar to that I used to have before a performance. I had done all I could do. I had studied and learned, tested and tried what I knew to be true, prepared in every way I knew how, left nothing lacking that I could help in the lacking of and there would be no stage fright, just a small anticipatory fear, a question, of would what I brought be good enough? I smiled to myself knowing this was no play, this night, like every other moment is a perfect intersection with eternity…last night was the night of my savior’s birth—an intersection with every other Christmas since that night in Bethlehem, an intersection with every other Easter celebration, with every miracle, every life of every believer, the creation of the world and the coming of Jesus. Today is a celebration of the first sign of Christ’s life. His own birth. A miracle. What does this sign show me about God? What does it cause me to believe about Him? Christ is risen, he meets my eyes. Savior, teach me so to rise. In this world of muchness and manyness I hope my belly is never too full to miss the miracles, to miss the light, to miss God’s own sacrifice complete. Such a powerful image: to open the door. To receive. To receive the baby, the birth, the life, death, resurrection, and all that goes with it. And to not only do this today, but to choose to do it every day this year. What a beautiful gift this season is. A time of preparation orchestrated in culmination with the birth of God on earth and the decision of Christians across the world and time to open the door to Christ and to decide to open the door every day of the coming year. It is scary. And overwhelming. Advent. Come Lord Jesus. Emmanuel. Christ with us. Christ with me. Today I celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior. Celebrate. I believe. I believe and for the first time in my existence I feel the full weight of Advent, of Christmas, of this season in my heart. My heart is tender and I am humbled. Jesus sought me when a stranger wandering from the fold of God. This small baby holds my life in his hands. His hands are stained with the blood of my life, my sins, and in knowing undeservedness and gratitude I fall at his feet and praise Him with thanksgiving.
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To my blood family who I am without on this Christmas season,
Know that I miss you dearly but rejoice in my decision to be without you this Christmas. This season I something I have long yearned to experience, to live, to breathe, to exist within—a Christmas where I not only know with my head but feel with my heart the true reason for this holiday season. Please do not think of it as a piece of our history being cut from the fabric of time, but a blessing, and addition that shall henceforth make all Christmases, for me, a great blessing…and that with a greater understanding of Christ’s love for me and God’s sacrifice I shall be greater able to see you through His eyes and thus shall our relationships and our family continue to grow and flourish as we focus not on each other, but on Him, and the blessings He has placed in our lives. I love you all so very dearly, and please know that through Him we are celebrating together this holiday season, and shall one day rejoice forever in His kingdom.
I have included below and excerpt from a letter from one of my personal heroes to his parents…I hope, in some small measure, these letters (mine and his) help you to glean an understanding of what Christmas has been for me this year.
Above all, you must not think that I will let myself sink into depression during this lonely Christmas. It will take its own special place in a series of very different Christmases that I have celebrated in Spain, in America, in England, and I want in later years to be able to think back on these days not with shame but with a special pride. That is the only thing that no one can take from me.
I don’t need to tell you how great my longing for freedom and for all of you is. But you have for so many decades provided us with Christmases so incomparably beautiful, that the grateful memories of them are strong enough to outshine even a dark Christmas.
From a Christian point of view, a Christmas in a prison cell is no special problem. It will probably be celebrated here in this house more sincerely and with more meaning than outside where the holiday is observed in name only. Misery, poverty, loneliness, helplessness, and guilt mean something entirely different in the eyes of God than in the judgment of men. That God turns directly toward the place where men are careful to turn away; that Christ was born in a stable because he found no room in the Inn—a prisoner grasps that better than someone else. For him it really is a joyous message, and because he believes it, he knows that he has been placed in the Christian fellowship that breaks all the bounds of time and space; and the months in prison lose their importance.
May God Bless and Keep You,
Christina DeAnn
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