trinity.

after the lazarus dinner in the pouring rain i turned in my membership card. i've known since the first time i stepped into trinity, after the newcomers meeting i attended, after meeting the people i now call friends...i have known an innumerable amount of times that trinity is home before saturday night but i took the request to think and pray over my decision seriously. after saturday night, soaked, exhausted, and desperately depressed that i was going home to a warm bed and there were so many that were not i turned in my membership card.

how could i not be a member of this church?

simply not an option.

and then the next morning? kind people who introduced themselves and made me feel like, for a few moments, i had two sets of adopted grandparents. where i could see through a set of arms my pastor holding the hand of his wife and i praised God for such an amazing woman who could sacrifice so much of her husband for the good of so many...mindblowing. simply mindblowing. a christmas pageant for children where it was okay to be children, not perfect acting machines--for a moment i almost wanted one of my own :D and then a sermon i never thought i would hear outloud. bonhoeffer. the perfect choice after the previous night. perfect.

i love my church.
for so many reasons...
in thinking of bonhoeffer...on pastoring and spiritual care he speaks of spiritual direction and care and speaks to the idea of proclamation and how people begin to hear but not really and just become calloused to the Word...we begin to receive but not be helped. the idea that we take forgiveness into our own hands but just learning to deal with us ourselves because we're not able to accept God's forgiveness so we just learn to deal with ourselves gracefully. these places where we can spout scripture and spiritual ideas without being touched in our hearts by what they really mean. he speaks of how a pastor, outside of commission, is no different than the parishioner...how the pastor comes before the church like he comes before God...
somewhere in all this come the following thoughts: sunday felt like a home i've never experienced before. grandparents, family, children. all following a night of serving like i've never experienced before. followed by a sermon written just under 80 years ago that was sooooo applicable to the moment it physically moved me.
and it moved my pastor.

that's amazing.
sometimes i just sit in awe that God gave us this community, this place, this city, this time. i feel so blessed. so blessed there are not enough words. there will never be enough words, enough blogs, enough journal entries or conversations about how thankful i am for this church. this community. this representation of Christ joined so strongly by the Holy Spirit that it takes my breath away and moves in me an outpouring of praise and thanksgiving.
may we always give Him the glory and praise.
now and forever.
come Lord Jesus.
Emmanuel.
Christ with us.
Did I mention i think it's amazing to have worship songs that are so powerful they are a daily part of my prayer life? to have things happen and the first prayer that runs through my mind is a verse from a song? or an ancient prayer put to music? to need guidance with something and to pray the lyrics of a song? to hear a song and feel like i am a true soldier in a generation of believers searching after God with everything they have?

Granted, the vibe at the 11 is totally different than the vibe at the 8...different is not bad, just different, there is still something pretty amazing about this group of people. Something that can only be God.

And that's pretty freakin' awesome.
I'm just sayin'.